dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I deserve this hangover.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
