oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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