it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
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