Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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