is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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