Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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