My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
