I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
