Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
