In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
