he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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