he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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