Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
