Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
