and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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