I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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