8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Let's get the cat blown out
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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