Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
