you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
