you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
