he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
