Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
