He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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