my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize