He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
