my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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