The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize