I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
