There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
