I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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