I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
