so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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