im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
