thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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