there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
