I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
