ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
