I met the friendliest cop last night
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
