maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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