Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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