I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
