Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Define "chronic" masturbator.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
