I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
