i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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