hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
