Betty ford says i'm here all night
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
