Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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