ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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