Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
