i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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