Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
