are you so shy because you have an std?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
