I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
