Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
