It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
