Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm like, not good at living.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
