Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
