New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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