I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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