and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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