I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
