first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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