I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
