Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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