you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
