Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
