im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
