Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
