He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My life is pants optional.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
