You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
