Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
