he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
