I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
