I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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