We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
