Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
