I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
