Kiss
Puke
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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