Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
