tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
my poor anus
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
