my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
