Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
