Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
