i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
