i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
