WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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