Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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