you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
