I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
