i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
