Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize