You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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