i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
